ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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