bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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