Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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