I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
