I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
