When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
