Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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