Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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