Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving

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(908): View more from New Jersey

we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

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(352): View more from Florida

I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing

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(513): View more from Ohio

In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.

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