you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high