so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He passed out mid-signature
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
