We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.