Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.