I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
