I am in a vortex of obligation.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my shit smells like andre
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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