I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize