Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
