Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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