life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
