i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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