Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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