You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
