ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
