the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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