I CAN MOONWALK!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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