My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
