if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
