How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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