just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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