Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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