Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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