I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
