that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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