yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Mom said you looked used
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
