we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
