I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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