at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
