okay pat passed out under dana's car
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
