Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
