I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
