Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
