my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
