just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
