So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
