He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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