turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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