Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
