I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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