his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
