He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
