I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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