well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
