he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
