does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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