You can't special order awesome
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he fucked my hip out of place.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
