DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
