Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
