So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
