I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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