I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
