he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
