Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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