shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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