i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
