jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
