shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
