Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When did angry sex become our thing?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
