all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
