I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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