The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
