This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
