I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
