there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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