xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she peed on how many people?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
