why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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