u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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