would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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