It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
