It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
