How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
