You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
