I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize