remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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