you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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